I feel now works like none of my life. A month ago, everything was okay, I was so happy in my relationship and put I was with my uni and course, although I knew it was not for me, I was happy enough with my social relationships. I had beautiful friends and a wonderful friend. I ignored my problems.

Some of my uni friends, however, are simply not very much like me, and I feel like I constantly have to fit to an act with them. I had never high self-esteem and I feel I go out far too much in the past year. I have always very anti-alcohol was never popular School/University and had good luck with young. When I 18 and went to University started I go out. Suddenly I was male-to-talk getting this attention and so many 'interesting' people and think, I was "cool", but I'm not so.

This year, I met such a nice guy, but I felt like I was not it deserved and constantly tries, errors and the question of why he is interested in me. Then supposedly "cool" reasons had three weeks to see, this guy I was a night with another man. I felt so used and cheap and hurt. My friends, that it as a drunken comic justified, but it was not easy, it's horrible, and it has destroyed my life. I'm in love with the first man, but this one night everything has ruined. He says he forgives me and loves me, but I just did not deserve, but I feel now depending on it and I love him so much. I really do not deserve it now, I've completely sabotaged it.

My friend is feeling now, understandably, I feel so low right as I have him neutered, how he feels now like second best, but he is not so. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and this was such a big mistake. I cried for days and attempts to justify it to me and, me feeling less a wh * re, but now he believes he is the second best. It is not easy. I don't like him get through, as I very him love. I feel like everything was just totally perfect and now I've ruined it.

Now that I feel so low on my terrible error, my luck has disappeared only because I feel him feel so bad to make me guilty and so terrible and to deceive him. This led to a virtual collapse of it all, as I felt how keeping this perfect facade, we had to my life together was. I never thought I would this be dependent on someone else, but I really am, and I ruined it. If I lose him white I only will be not like me.

I'm not happy with my UNI, course, my friends, my lack of social life in addition to always think was so drunk to say "funny stories" as possible and constantly to discuss how 'amazing' last night.

I feel like I need to check everything again, but I have no motivation to because I so scared to lose him. I know I should really lose what I did was terrible.

I know only not, like something, I'm so overwhelmed, I feel like I each possible sense now feel.

I really need to sort my life but, I have not been following University for weeks and I am so unhappy with, I want my course only learn something from the textbook which is not relevant. I would like to contribute something in the world. I am a second year, however, and it is difficult to change courses I know, and I have not much experience, go to modify of the courses. I feel just as low and lack of motivation. I want to do something about it. I'm pathetic.

I know, how long this is, I do not expect, someone to read, but just vent.

TL; DR, my life sucks, it of stupid to my own fault, have no motivation to fix it, because I afraid, the love of my life is deservedly left me.

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